Chapter 1
Storm
I've never been more grateful to my stepdad for always making me keep a funeral suit in my closet. While I'm grateful to have it, I’m completely heartbroken that I have to wear it today.
I feel like I can’t breathe as I stand at the graveside in Arlington National Cemetery, watching my best friend Jason lowered into the ground with a twenty-one-gun salute. He should be here with his pregnant wife. Instead, he lost his life on his most recent deployment. Now, his wife, River, is a military widow and will have to raise a child on alone.
If it weren't for the promise I made to him before our first deployment, she would have no one in the world because she has no family. But I pledged I would take care of her if anything ever happened to him. That's a promise I intend to keep.
So, I stand beside her and offer support as we bury her husband, trying not to let my grief overtake me. I plan to take River back to my cabin in Whiskey River, Montana.
Tears stream down River’s face, but she's not openly sobbing. Other than the tears, her face is devoid of emotion. I can't imagine what she’s thinking or what she’s going through. I hope I can take some of the stress off her plate and do right by my best friend.
As the ceremony finishes and everyone heads out, they say goodbye to River and offer words they think will help. I stay at her side until the last person is gone. Thankfully, no one is gathering back at her place to make small talk or fill her freezer with food.
The ceremony was a carefully designed performance. It was beautifully choreographed. The men and women who helped to lay my friend to rest will forever have my gratitude.
"We can sit here for as long as you like," I tell River once everyone has gone.
River stares at the casket holding her husband. She doesn't say a word. A moment later, she stands and walks to the temporary black iron stake with his name until the gravestone arrives.
She places a hand on it. "After the baby's born, I'd like to come back to see the headstone and introduce Jason to his child."
"I’ll make that happen. As soon as the doctor clears you to fly, I’ll bring you out here for a few days," I tell her, already making plans—anything to keep my mind off the reality of the situation.
She nods but doesn't say anything more because she knows my word is as good as gold. Always has been. The promise I made to her husband now extends to her. I’ll ensure she has whatever she needs to help get her through this dark period.
"I'll give you a few minutes. If you need anything, I'll be within earshot," I say before leaving to give her privacy.
I wait by the road, and River joins me a few minutes later.
"Let's go home.” She chokes back a bitter laugh. “I guess it's not home anymore. Not when the military can kick you out so soon after your husband dies for his country."
I don't say anything because I agree with her. She and Jason lived on base in military housing while he served with the United States Marines. Most young couples do because they don't have to pay rent, utilities, or maintenance on the place. And the neighbors are military families. Single guys like me ended up in the barracks, which weren't too bad, but I would’ve taken Jason's place over sharing a room with another guy any day.
After Jason was killed in action, they served River with a thirty-day notice to leave military housing. She doesn't even get time to grieve. Instead, she has to pack up and figure out what to do with the rest of her life. I tried to get her more time, but they told me their hands were tied because there was a waitlist of families needing the house.
Thankfully, she has a place to go. She can move in with me. It didn't take much convincing to get her to agree. I think she was ready to put away all the bad memories this place now holds.
"You'll make a new home that no one can take away from you. Somewhere you’ll be happy and your child can have all their firsts," I tell her as I open the truck door for her and wait until she’s settled.
Without replying, she buckles up and stares straight ahead. I take a deep breath and get into the truck—Jason’s truck. We drove it today because River is selling it and wanted to take one last ride. As much as I didn't want to drive my friend's truck, I couldn’t deny her.
Once we get back to River’s house on base, she looks around at everything. Nothing has been touched, and the only signs she's moving are the stack of boxes, bubble wrap, and tape in the corner we’ll use for packing.
"We can sell all the furniture. I only want to keep the crib Jason picked out and delivered right after he found out we were expecting. It's still in the box, so it should be easy to pack in the truck," River says, standing in the entryway.
"We can bring everything with us if you want, and you can decide later. There's a storage unit in town, and I've already called and reserved three of their biggest units. I also think you should bring Jason's truck and sell your car. The truck will be more useful in Montana, and it's not too late for me to get a car tow so you don't have to drive it the whole way there," I suggest avoiding discussing the funeral and focusing on all the work ahead of us.
"I'll think about it. When would you have to call the moving company to add on the car tow?"
"I already reserved one, so it'll be there. We can always take it off the reservation if you don't need it."
She nods with a small smile. "You're just like him, you know. Always planning and one step ahead of me."
River sets her stuff down and goes to the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner?" she asks without looking at me.
"How about you let me worry about dinner? Change out of that dress and run a bath. Take the night off and just be. We can dive into all this tomorrow," I tell her.
Nodding, she closes the refrigerator and slips off her heels. "Would you mind starting on Jason's office tonight? I can't bring myself to go in there, but I know the paperwork I need to file for benefits is in there, and who knows what else. Honestly, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for."
River and Jason were one of the lucky few to get a two-bedroom military home without having a child. Jason used the second bedroom as an office but planned to convert it into the baby's nursery when he returned from deployment.
When he called me to tell me that River was pregnant, his mind was racing. He was so excited and listed off everything he planned to do when he got home.
My eyes burn as I remember that phone call. I tip my head back and look up at the ceiling to keep the tears at bay. I can't cry in front of River. I have to be strong for her.
"Yeah, I can do that as long as you promise you'll relax tonight. These last few days have been plenty stressful on you, and you need to think about the baby."
Agreeing with me, she grabs a bottle of water and heads to her room. I know jack shit about babies and pregnancy. The only experience I have is visiting the hospital after my friend Bennett and his wife Willow had their child. It was a few days after I got the call informing me Jason had been killed in action.
When I told my friends I'd be bringing River home with me, Emelie advised me to encourage River to relax as much as possible because stress would be bad for the baby. So that's my goal, to take on as much of the burden as I can so that River can relax.
I go to the kitchen, remove my suit jacket, and unbutton my shirt sleeves. Finding everything I need to make chicken parmesan for dinner, I get to work.
I can't let my mind wander to my buddy and what happened today, so I make a list of everything that needs to be done. Top priority is to find the paperwork she needs so she can file for her benefits once we get to Whiskey River.
River and her child will have health insurance through the military, and her son or daughter will have education and Social Security benefits. They’ll also receive a hefty life insurance policy of half a million dollars. The only downside is all the paperwork.
Since River will keep her medical coverage, all her doctor's visits for this pregnancy will be taken care of, but she probably won't see the life insurance money until around the time the baby is due. It will take time for the paperwork to be approved, and they issue her the money.
There are a slew of things that need to be addressed.
Over dinner, neither one of us talks about anything substantial.
"We can get rid of the dishes, pots, and pans since you'll have those at your house. Feel free to take any kitchen stuff you need," River says, tapping her fork against her plate.
"Are you sure you don't want to pack it up and bring it with us? You'll need something when you start over."
"Every item in this house holds a memory. There are things I'll take with me, but I need to start over so I can put one foot in front of the other and raise our child. I can't be reminded of Jason everywhere I turn, or I'll never be able to get out of bed."
She looks up at me, her eyes glossy with unshed tears as she pleads with me to understand. She was obviously crying in the bath as I made dinner. Hell, she knows there's nothing I wouldn't do for her.
"As you wish. When you're ready, I’ll ensure you have everything you need."
River nods again, knowing it’s no use fighting me on it.
After dinner, she dries the dishes and puts them away since I'm unsure where everything goes. Ask me where one of Jason's tools is, and I can grab it for you, no problem, but in all the times I’ve been in this house, I avoided the kitchen because it was River's domain.
"I think I'll go to bed. Exhaustion has hit me hard, and I'd like to put today behind me," she tells me once she’s put the last dish away.
"Get some sleep. I know your whole world has been turned upside down, but you're safe as long as I'm here. I’ll make sure of it."
River turns to me, and the next thing I know, she's wrapping her arms around my waist for a hug. This isn't something we do. I think the only time I’ve ever hugged this woman was when Jason and I came home from our first deployment, and I was so damn excited to see someone other than him.
Gently, I wrap my arms around her. She's so tiny, barely five-four to my six-two. After a moment, she pulls away, and I'm left wondering what the hell happened.
I've known this woman for five years and never seen her as anything more than a little sister and my best friend's wife. So why the hell am I hard as nails from a harmless hug?
